It’s no secret that cultural attitudes surrounding divorce have changed drastically since the eighties. What once was a stigma that impacted people’s lives and social standing is now commonly understood as a natural and logical chapter of life for many couples who are looking to restructure.
Up until very recent history, the “till death do us part” portion of the vow of marriage was dogma. Marriage used to be a contractual, lifelong financial and social obligation, more concerned with preserving tradition and function in society than fulfillment.
Divorce in General is Steadily Decreasing
Despite de-stigmatization and shifting perceptions in the conversations around divorce, the divorce rate has drastically declined since the 1980s. The social norm used to cause couples to enter marriage at a young age and follow with divorce.
Today, divorce is significantly more accessible, with prenuptial agreements and alternative dispute resolutions like mediation, making divorce a significantly quicker and more affordable process. Long Island attorneys are reporting an uptick in “grey” divorce, or divorce for couples who are 55 and over.
More and more midlife marriages are ending in divorce since the eighties. “More married couples in midlife are actually calling it quits isn’t exactly a new trend. In 1990, the divorce rate was 3.9 divorces per 1,000 married women who were 50 or older. By 2008, the divorce rate for this group had risen to 11. In 2023, the divorce rate stabilized among older adults at 10.3, according to this The Cut article called, “The Women Quietly Quitting Their Husbands.”
Older Generations Seeing Higher Rates of Divorce Reflect Changing Attitudes Toward Marriage
This article noted a phenomenon where, in the past, unhappy marriages commonly lasted for decades, where women would “subconsciously uncouple.” In other words, women would accept living in unfulfilling marriages with their husbands, but essentially stay under the same roof. Marriage was preserved to avoid inconvenience–the financial inconvenience or social repercussions that many women simply did not have the bandwidth to deal with.
On Long Island and throughout the rest of the country, this trend accompanies changes in women’s midlife behavior. More women are entering marriages as equal or higher-earning financial partners. Breakthroughs in women’s health have emboldened women to feel like they no longer have to lie about menopause. In this same vein, women no longer feel like they have to lie to keep their marriages happy.
In a conversation between Family Law Attorney Susan Guthrie and Oprah Winfrey on the Oprah Winfrey Podcast, Guthrie lists three reasons for the rise of grey divorce since the 1990s: the increase in women in the labor force, the erosion of marriage as a lifelong institution, and a longer life expectancy in general.
55+ couples getting a divorce face unique challenges untangling decades of shared finances, assets, and family connections. The longer a couple’s history lasts, the more complex the process of dividing assets is. With life events like retirement on the precipice, children in college, and the updating of wills, powers of attorney, and beneficiary designations becoming pertinent, a specialized legal counsel should be equipped to avoid conflict and to restructure the family in a manner that respects decades of union and does not further polarize the divide between older couples looking to get divorced.
Read the full article here: https://www.thecut.com/article/midlife-quiet-divorce.html
Frequently asked questions:
What is gray divorce mediation on Long Island?
Gray divorce mediation on Long Island is a non-adversarial divorce process for couples aged 55 and over, guided by a neutral mediator instead of the court system.
Is divorce mediation in New York more affordable than litigation?
Yes. Divorce mediation on Long Island is typically faster and significantly less expensive than traditional divorce litigation in New York courts.
Can mediation handle retirement accounts and long-term assets?
Yes. Divorce mediation is especially effective for dividing pensions, IRAs, 401(k)s, real estate, and other long-held marital assets.
How long does divorce mediation take on Long Island?
Most mediated divorces in New York are completed in a few months, depending on financial complexity and cooperation.
Is mediation appropriate for long-term marriages?
Absolutely. Mediation is well-suited for long-term and gray divorces, helping couples preserve dignity and reduce emotional strain.
Do we need a lawyer if we choose mediation?
Many Long Island couples choose to have a divorce attorney review their mediated agreement before filing in New York.
