Coping Methods for Life After Divorce
The finalization of a divorce brings with it a process of healing that can be both spiritually and emotionally draining. There is a seemingly endless sequence of events that leads up to your divorce being finalized, and it is only then when your life post-divorce truly begins. There are so many articles and blogs on the internet providing (albeit useful) advice regarding the process of beginning the conversation about divorce, and subsequently how to finalize the process and cover all of your bases. While those are extremely important conversations that need to happen, there isn’t as much of a discussion about how to move on as a divorcee. There needs to be a discussion about the healing process which you should allow yourself to go through after your divorce is finalized because you owe it to yourself to allow yourself to heal properly and move on with your new life.
Many people refer to divorce as “the death of the marriage,” but that seems a little morbid to me. That being said, there is something that can be learned about our natural grieving process. In the instance of a death of a loved one, we spend time with our friends and family, talk to a therapist, engage in support groups, and give ourselves time to feel and deal with the plethora of emotions that we are going through at the time. To be clear: death is far more serious than divorce, but we grieve in the same basic fashion when anything serious takes place in our lives.
In order for you to allow yourself to go through this natural and healthy grieving process, you need to give yourself permission to feel these emotions. Even if you were the person who initiated the divorce proceedings, you are still dealing with the emotional fallout that will inevitably take place for both parties. Even though you may have “wanted this,” you should still take some time and think about the period of your life that is now coming to a close.
If you were not the person who initiated the divorce you should also take some time to think and reflect upon the end of your marriage. Many husbands and wives who were “broken up with” feel as if it was their fault that the marriage ended. Focus less on what could have been and focus more on the reality of the situation. There’s no point in playing the blame game here because neither of you is married anymore. The best way to move on is to focus on the present and surround yourself with people who really care about you, whether that be your kids, family, loved ones, or friends. Moving on should feel good, make no doubt about it.
Obviously, the healthier the divorce is, the easier it will be to cope with it. This is one of the best parts about finding an alternative divorce resolution. Traditional litigations tear families apart and leave each party in a worse place financially and emotionally than they were before. Working with your partner and embracing these healthy alternatives is going to make your life after the divorce so much better.
All in all, you should be holding your mental health paramount through the process. The process of divorcing should not be something that makes you unable to enjoy life after everything is said and done. With the right divorce attorney, a support network, and the right amount of time to heal, this process is going to feel like a fresh start. These coping strategies can help, and you need to know that you’re not alone in this process. Everyone has people around them who care deeply about them, and they have a good reason to do so. You need to remember to care about yourself.